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Saturday, May 15, 2010

I'm Going to Die.

NOTE: THERE'S A Q&A UPDATE BELOW THIS POST.  YOU MIGHT WANNA CHECK THAT OUT FIRST, THEN COME READ MY TORTURED RAMBLINGS.

Most of you probably don't give a crap about my anime obsession--most of you probably think it's weird or a waste of time.  You people aren't allowed to comment.

I don't care what people think, because today is a sad day.  See, I want to tell you about a special show called Gintama--a show that has brought me joy on my worst days, and kept me laughing from the moment it began.  That link will take you to streaming episodes, by the way--check it out!  I'm serious.  Watch an episode.  Watch 201 episodes!  SHARE MY LOSS~!   ;*___*;

Picture this: Japan in olden times, in Edo where the Shinsengumi and Bakufu are in charge.  Hijikata and Sogo and Kondo are all there.  There are swords and samurai and ninjas.

Now add aliens.  Yes, ALIENS--like those people from space?--yeah, those guys.  Just add them in.  Go ahead!  They'll fit right in just fine.  Now, stick them in the story, and call them the Amanto.  There was a big war when they took over.  Samurai fought and died for the human race, but in the end, they failed to push back the invaders.  One samurai in particular, a man by the name of Sakata Gintoki who was given the epithet of Shiroyasha (White Demon), survived with a couple of his buddies.  After the war, he opened up a shop called Yorozuya Gin-chan (Odd Jobs Gin).  This show (and the ongoing manga) does something I've never seen duplicated.  It combines ridiculously wild and deadpan comedy, hardcore violence, and serious drama so perfectly that imagining life without a constant supply of this madness makes me want to give the toaster a bath.

 Cast during Screwdriver MMO episode:


This story focuses on Gin, Kagura (an alien girl in a Chinese dress from the invincible and fair-skinned Yato clan), and Shinpachi (a kid from a nearby dojo hoping to find a job--he is one with his glasses).  They make up the Yorozuya, and they will do ANYTHING for a buck.  There's one problem, though: Gin's pretty much useless.  He's a lazy, diabetic samurai who can't carry anything more than a wooden sword he bought off a TV commercial because of the new Amanto-imposed sword-ban.

Gin...not getting along with the ladies.


However, he's not boring.  None of them are boring.  Throughout the series, they've battled a ninja with hemorrhoids who tries to steal Gin's Shonen Jump magazine, defeated multiple insanely powerful alien clans, rescued a city of badass prostitutes while dressed as women, parodied every pop culture reference under the sun, pretended to be lost tourists in a marathon, gotten trapped in an MMO in order to fix random body parts that for some reason have become screwdrivers (flat and phillips) battled yakuza alien wasp nests because of unfortunate Playstation 2-related deaths, fought for the purity of a girl who thinks she's a boy, dressed up as a centaur carrying a dead child in order to be a mascot for police affairs, harassed thousands of people, been trapped in the bodies of various animals and an android maid, saved the earth about fifteen different times, built the Neo Armstrong Jet Cyclone Armstrong Cannon,  triumphed over the inner otaku of a Shinsengumi member (but not without honoring his tenacity), found and lost multiple jobs, killed several wild alien pets which belonged to a certain pathetic prince, defeated Freeza (well, Hijikata did that--he and Sogou are a whole other ball game), and countless other fantastic stories.

Kagura on a bad day--Bitch be CRAZY!

Shinpachi on a bad day--bitch be a dude!

Sogo and Kagura make a psychotically awesome team.

On the Shinsengumi side, they've fought bathroom bacteria reminiscent of Nausicaa's creepy forest, fought for the dreams of the aforementioned inner otaku, made attempt after attempt at arresting Gin for something--anything!, tried harder than any person should to keep their gorilla of a commander from marrying a real space gorilla, gotten mixed up in Yorozuya business constantly, gently rejected a young girl's love by pretending to be Mayonnaise royalty, gone hunting for a golden beetle with honey slathered all over the body, fought amongst each other a hundred times over retarded things, made every death threat imaginable to a comrade (Hijikata?  Sogo?  I'm talking about you!), fought valiantly to win the right to be a pop idol's fan club, struggled to find the last cigarette in the galaxy because the ashtrays around the city now explode when you put ash in them....the list just gets longer...and longer...and longer.

The Shinsengumi:

Hijikata on a bad day--ouch.  (Saw Parody)
 


Really, I can't believe it's over.  Sure, they tell us that there'll be more once the mangaka is finished making more chapters, but this hiatus is going to kill me inside!  I've never seen anything so wonderfully capable of making me laugh like a lunatic and sob like a baby all in the same episode!  Gin is my favorite fictional character of all time--not because he's an absolute riot (which he is....I love you, Tomokazu Sugita-sama!  BEST VOICE ACTOR EVER!!!!!)--but because he's the kind of person who ignores the stupid little issues and hits the core of the problem.  Also, he's kickass.  Seriously--he's a demon with white hair and red eyes (I conjecture that he's actually albino...).  And Hijikata and Sogo?  Those two are the greatest duo I've ever seen.  Seriously, I've never seen good friends try so hard on a regular basis to kill each other in such inventive, insidious ways.  Shinpachi?  He is more than his glasses--he's the ultimate straight-man.  Kagura?  She's the craziest, most screwed up little slacker girl on the planet, and I adore her for it.  Katsura?  I'll never forget your name.  Takasugi?  You're a crazy bastard, dude--keep up the smexeh.  Kondo?  Give up on Otae--she'll really kill you one of these days.  Sa-chan?  STOP BRINGING NATTO AND BDSM PARAPHERNALIA TO EVERY EPISODE YOU GET!!!  Everyone?  I'm going to miss you.

 Hijikata and Sogo--The Saw Parody


The outcome: Sogo wins.  Hijikata is doomed.

Sogo on a bad day--Everybody dies.

In the words of Toshi, the inner otaku who represents everything I love about this show:
"We just have to live every second to the fullest, and the traces of the path we lived be burned into the ground...That will be proof of our existence!"

The Yorozuya and the Shinsengumi kicking ass and chewing bubblegum.  WITH A BAZOOKA.

Badass Prostitutes:


Takasugi: Harbinger of Chaos and Gin's former comrade in arms
(AKA The Hotness)
 
This is Toshi--he's adorable.  (He's also Hijikata.)


Gin the Lawyer

 Gin the Warrior Shiroyasha

Gin the Lazy-Ass

 Gin the (Bad) Photographer

 Gin the Ghostbuster (I made this as an avatar)

Oh, and Pirate Gin:
Guy: Look, we don’t need guys like you.
Gintoki: [dressed in a space pirate outfit] How rude. We want to be pirates too! Take us with you! Right, Zura?
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Captain Katsura.
Gintoki: We’re mischievous guys who’ve dreamt of becoming pirates ever since we were little. We’re looking for the secret treasure called ‘One Park’. Right, Zura?
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Captain Katsura.
Guy: Whatever. Go find it yourselves.
Gintoki: Don’t say that. Look, my hand’s a hook. I can only be a pirate or a coat-hanger now.

In the words of Gin-chan, the badassest samurai around:
"Listen up! Let’s say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but it’s cold outside your bed. You don’t want to get up, but the urge to urinate is just too strong! You make up your mind to go! You run to the bathroom, stand in front of the toilet, and let loose! You think that all your life has led to this moment! But then you realize. It isn’t the bathroom! You’re still in bed! That feeling of lukewarm wetness spreads like wildfire! But you don’t stop! You can’t stop! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s the truth of the strawberry milk! Do you get it?"

That's a wrap.... TT_TT
8_8 ~*(cry)*
(And watch out for vending machines!)



15 comments:

  1. I just read every single word of that... My mind is spinning like crazy...

    So many crazy names....

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  2. @Corky: Imagine being able to SPEAK that language. It's pretty crazy to think that anime taught me an entire language.

    Egads...I'm gonna miss this show!

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  3. I don't really like anime. I only really like Inuyasha.

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  4. Sorry about the show. I know the felling when a good show dies.

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  5. I remember when i watched the first episode of this show when it came out because it took Bleach's timeslot, the subbers who I went to decided to sub the first episode. I wished i knew Japanese so I can go up to episode 201. Well hopefully for me when the subs actually get that far they will continue making more anime episodes. Also Cyh, Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Cannon.

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  6. @Kevin: The added another Armstrong after "Jet" for the last bit with...Hasegawa? Or maybe Kondo....I forget the order. I have no idea why Gin and them thought two Armstrongs would be appropriate....

    >_> <_< o_o *whisper*Rumbel subs*whisper*

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  7. I have been watching anime on and off for about a year now, but what you wrote just sparked my interest in anime to a new level. I shall go watch all 201 episodes! TONIGHT! Well, it may take longer, but still... Anyway, thank you Cyh for renewing my interest in anime, and I wish they would make more episodes soon.

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  8. @johannmaximus:
    *squinting into the sunset*
    We shall wish together...

    Also, if you're ever in a bind for awesome series, I've got tons of suggestions.

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  9. hi cyh which version of dragon ball z do you like the us verson (rock the dragon) or the jap verson (some pop songs)?

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  10. @Anon: Rock the Dragon. Dur.

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  11. Ah anime/manga. Always fun.
    I just started watching the series before you made the post. Glad to know I'm not the only one obsessed.
    -Gerstein1 of the youtube.

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  12. Episode 202 is out.

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  13. this is the best gintama's rebiew ive ever read!
    every single word made me remember epic scenes
    Gintama is back u know and i still enjoy it
    its weird when i failed my exams and i was crying I watched gintama's episode "the hosts" lol i laughed and my tears just couldn't stop ...that was weird ...but then mom gave me a lecture about how I don't care about school ...

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  14. I understand your feelings too, imouto-chan! "Gintama" was a really great and the funniest anime I've ever seen. I still rereading manga and rewatching TV, in hope that it'll air again someday. At least we still have Sorachi-sensei's new chapters every week, yay!)))

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If you're rude, I'll delete you from the space-time continuum, as well as the time-space discontinuum, and also this blog. Then I'll send Hannibal Lecter after you--he likes to eat rude people.

After reviewing comments, I have decided to include Valve Time, as well as variable-Valve-time--with Lift--to the above list of obliteration-friendly continua.